


Unpleasant Truths

by writingfromdarkplaces



Series: Dangerous Memories [2]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Father-Son Relationship, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7791772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfromdarkplaces/pseuds/writingfromdarkplaces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee struggles to get control back after his memories resurfacing caused him to have a breakdown, but what he ends up finding drags up more of the past and putting the future at risk.</p>
<p>Sequel to Underlying Doubts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unpleasant Truths

**Author's Note:**

> So I wasn't going back to this universe. I swore I wasn't. It was an unpleasant enough topic to try and dance around the first time.
> 
> Then I thought that Lee and Bill both deserved to have at least one part of it clear.
> 
> Not sure how that justifies making things worse, but that's what I did.

* * *

Lee repeated his father's words like a mantra, using them as best he could against the memories, and while it wasn't a perfect fix, it allowed him to function for a while. Kara was hovering, watching him like she thought he might break again, and she wasn't the only one. Lee had a lot of unwanted attention these days, be it Helo or even Dee, and he found that ignoring it wasn't working.

He tried. Lords knew he tried, but Lee wasn't sure how to keep up the facade of belief and normalcy when everyone was watching him constantly.

* * *

“Captain Apollo, you've been distracted all meeting.”

He grimaced, looking up at her with an apologetic smile and a wince mixed into one. “I am sorry, Madame President. I was trying to work on the project, but I'm afraid I let Zarek get to me more than usual. Not that it takes much right now. I realize my behavior was... unusual and rather inexplicable, but that doesn't mean I need to be watched all the time.”

She tented her fingers together. “Is that what you think we're doing?”

“Kara's always there, and if she isn't, Helo is, and I swear Dee is following me,” Lee said. “It's throwing me off more than the original problem. Zarek stared at me all meeting. It was enough. I'm sorry. It shouldn't be like this. I thought it was under control.”

“Have you considered that it may need more than 'control?'” Laura asked, concerned. She had never seen Apollo like he was in that briefing room—not at the end of the world, not after days on end without sleep, after being held by terrorists, or after a mutiny. The man was shaken, and it showed.

“Like therapy?” Apollo asked with a snort. “Yeah, I don't—that doesn't work for me, and I don't even think there's a trained psychologist left in the fleet.”

“So you've tried therapy?”

He nodded, fidgeting with his discomfort on full display. “Camp counselor recommended it when my parents divorced, and I didn't have much of a choice, so I went. The fleet also made me see one a couple times. Minor things, basic fitness for duty sort of deal. I wasn't impressed. They liked to poke at my 'daddy issues' and all that did was annoy me.”

“I think we should speak with your father and arrange some time off for you,” Laura told him. “You need time to regroup, and perhaps a bit more breathing room will be of benefit to you and everyone else.”

“They won't let me go on my own, and I don't know that I—”

“Captain, this is not a request.”

* * *

“What kind of a CAG are you, anyway?” Kara asked as she slid onto the stool next to Lee in the bar on _Cloud Nine._ “Leaving your wingman behind? I teach my nuggets better than that.”

Lee sighed, bringing his ambrosia to his lips and sipping from it before answering. “The idea was that I got space to deal with my issues without the hovering and the staring. I'm starting to feel stalked. This is not helping.”

She nodded. “Look, I get it. I hate when people are in my face, too. I don't care if they stare at me—they're just there for the show—but you're not like me.”

“No, I'm not.”

She put a hand on his arm. “Your father's worried. I think he jumped at the chance to do something for you when the president gave him one, but then he was afraid that he might lose you altogether if you were on another ship alone.”

“Damn it.”

She downed her drink and set it on the counter. “Why the frak does he think you'd run from him anyway? That's what I don't understand. I know you skipped out on a meeting and ended up drunk for days, but that's not the same as trying to disappear somewhere into the fleet.”

“Kara, I'm not doing this—”

“I should make you, but I won't,” she said, holding out her hand. “Come with me.”

“What, why?”

“We're dancing, Apollo. Get with the program here.”

Lee shook his head, but he let her pull him onto the dance floor. She refused to think about Colonial Day, since the music was different, louder and faster. Getting Lee to dance to this was an accomplishment in of itself, so she counted it as a win and threw herself into the music.

* * *

Lee leaned over the sink, washing his hands before grabbing a towel and doing the same to his face. He felt like he'd had a lot more to drink than he had, but that probably owed to the dancing he'd done with Kara. He wasn't really meant to move that way, but she'd insisted, and he was trying to prove he wasn't an emotional wreck so people would leave him alone.

He dried off and returned to the bar, not at all surprised to see Kara leaning her head back in laughter at something someone said. She waved him over, and Lee rolled his eyes, wondering why he had to have a friend who was so frakking social. She was good at playing this sort of crowd, and he wasn't. He just wanted this to stop.

“Look who I met,” Kara said, a slight and barely noticeable slur to her words. She was getting closer to her limit. “This here is your future, staring you in the face.”

“Excuse me?”

The man laughed, holding out a hand to Lee. He looked strangely fit for someone at least Lee's father's age, with a near full head of hair—wouldn't Tigh be jealous—and a firm handshake. “All she means is that I'm retired fleet, can you believe that?”

“Oh?” Lee asked, now curious in spite of himself. He wouldn't have thought anyone who had been military would have given it up now, in this crisis.

“Colonel Horace Marens,” the man said, holding out his hand to Lee. “Though my friends called me Silenus. I'm glad to say I aged better than my name, and I still don't know why I got it. I'm not wise, and I'm as squeaky clean as they come.”

Kara burst out laughing. “Are you kidding? With the stories you've told me just now? Don't believe a word, Lee. This guy makes me seem tame in comparison.”

“Lee, is it?” 

_“Leland,” his mother said in her drunk command voice—she always used his full name when she did, and he hated it. “Get over here. I want to introduce you to someone. Silenus, this is my son, Leland.”_

_“Thought you said you had two boys.”_

_“Oh, Zak is at camp,” his mother said, waving the question away. “Say hello to my friend. Now.”_

_“But Dad said we weren't supposed to have people in the house and—”_

_“Leland, this is my house, your father left us, now be nice to my guest, and say hello.”_

_Lee swallowed. He held out his hand to the man, not understanding why a man without fighter pilot wings had a call sign, and since when was his mother friends with anyone in the fleet? Silenus took his hand and held it in both of his, giving something else than a handshake, and Lee frowned, trying to pull away only to stop at his mother's look._

_“Now,” she said, turning back to Silenus, “I think you owe me some entertainment...”_

_Silenus grinned at her, and he moved forward to kiss her, making Lee feel sick, and not just because his mom was kissing someone that wasn't his father. Silenus might have been touching his mom, kissing her, but his eyes were on Lee the entire time. He shuddered._

“Lee?”

He shook off the memory, stepping back from the man's offered hand, trying to tell himself he was wrong, but how many people had that name, used to be fleet, and looked as much like the one he'd just remembered? Had he created that, or had he met that man before? Lee didn't know. He just knew that he couldn't think while he was standing here, and he had to get out before he started hyperventilating. “I have to go. I'm sorry.”

* * *

Kara threw back her drink, giving Silenus another smile, trying to act like that wasn't the weirdest thing Lee had done in a while—and Lee _had_ pulled more than one stunt lately. She shrugged, playing it up like she could, like she knew and did best. She acted with full on Starbuck bravado, like that hadn't happened at all, and then claimed to need the head.

As excuses went, it wasn't entirely a lie, though she wasn't sure she shouldn't have ran out after Lee right away. She wasn't sure she'd find him like she needed to, but then she almost laughed it off when she turned the first corner and found him leaning against the wall, breathing hard.

Of course, the way he looked wasn't the least bit funny, so she wasn't laughing now.

“Lee?”

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “How long were you talking to him?”

“A few minutes. About as long as you were gone,” Kara answered, frowning. “What is it? What happened back there? It's like the space out I heard you did when you were with your father and the president, and I thought... Well, you've been telling everyone you're fine.”

“Did he say why he left the fleet? Or how he got that name?”

“Actually, he said he was a lifer or would have been if he hadn't lost sight in one eye and part of a leg in an explosion,” she answered. “He didn't explain Silenus. Said he didn't know. What is wrong with you? Why does this matter? Why does he upset you so much?”

“He didn't... ask about me when I was gone, did he? I know everyone kind of knew that we were here together.”

“No, he didn't, now will you answer the frakking question? What is going on?”

“I think Silenus dated my mother,” Lee said, choking on the words. Kara lifted an eyebrow. “She had a phase after Dad left. She... wasn't sober and the house was like a revolving door for men. She had a new one every day, sometimes twice a day.”

Kara stared at him. “No, I don't—Zak never said anything. Not even about your mom drinking.”

“Zak didn't know. At least, not about some of it. I did my best to keep it from him because she could be... scary when she was like that. She never hurt me, not with her hands, but she was bitter and cruel and her words sure as hell matched her mood,” Lee muttered, hand to his head. “Dad never wanted to see it, either. In the end, she had sobered up. The one good thing to come from Zak's death, I guess.”

Kara flinched. That still stung, even if she was almost certain Lee had no idea what he'd just done. “Okay, so he dated your mom. That's awkward. Not—”

“I need to get back to _Galactica,”_ Lee said, and Kara frowned. “Did they let you fly over? I'm still grounded, so I didn't get a—”

“I'll take care of it,” she said, not sure what the frak was going on with him, but she'd rather have him back on _Galactica_ after what just happened. She figured he was a lot safer there, even if he ended up sleeping it off in his father's quarters again.

“Thank you.”

* * *

_“You have beautiful eyes.”_

_Lee stiffened, putting down his book and staring at the doorway. His mother's “friend” had come through it, standing next to his dresser, and he didn't like the way that man was looking at him again. “You're not supposed to be in my room. Rule is, I stay up here when Mom has friends over. I'm where I'm supposed to be. You're not.”_

_He smiled at Lee. “You don't have to hide up here from me. I don't have to just be your mother's friend. I can be yours.”_

_Lee shook his head. “I'm fine. Please leave.”_

_“I think you need friends, Leland,” Silenus said, coming over to sit on the foot of his bed. “You seem like a very lonely boy to me.”_

_Lee backed up against his headboard. “I'm fine. I told you that. You're not supposed to be in my room. Mom won't—”_

_“Your mother's passed out downstairs. I doubt she'll wake up for hours. Which is just fine by me. I'd like to spend more time with you.”_

_Lee looked toward the door, tempted to run for it. He didn't know what it was about Silenus that made him so uncomfortable—that scared him, Lee had to admit it was fear talking—but his father had always said to trust his instincts. Something about guts and how soldiers just knew when it was the right time to fight._

_He dove off the bed, running for the door._

“I had a feeling you recognized me. It's not like I could forget you. Those eyes...”

Lee swallowed, looking over at the man who'd spoken. He felt sick, and he hadn't even remembered everything. He knew there was a lot missing, since he'd only had two fragments before and what he'd just gotten didn't connect to them, not yet. Still, he had the unpleasant conviction that, yes, they all involved the same man.

“I wasn't sure if you would,” Silenus went on. “You were pretty young at the time.”

Lee glared at him. “That didn't stop you, did it?”

Silenus just smiled. “I figured it was only a matter of time before that particular lucky streak ran out. Must have used it all up surviving the fall, but then who happens to be in charge of the fleet? Your father. And that is why you recognizing me is a problem.”

Lee's brain tried to process that. “Wait. You're not actually thinking you can—”

The gun went off, and as he hit the wall with the impact, he wondered how he'd missed it. He'd been distracted, but that wasn't an excuse. He was an officer in the fleet in a time of war. He knew better. Lee put a hand over his side and tried to keep himself from sliding all the way to the floor. His father would be disappointed. Not just by Lee missing the gun but by how little fight he had left.

Then again, Lee thought as Silenus loomed over him, he probably wasn't going to survive this.

* * *

“All right, Apollo. Everything is set. We'll have a Raptor in about ten minutes, so let's make our way down to the hangar deck,” Kara called as she rounded the corner.

She stopped dead, staring at the red stain marring the wall. The frak. Where was Lee? Was that blood? How the hell had this happened? She'd been gone for five minutes, tops, and he couldn't have gotten himself hurt in that time, could he?

Who was she kidding? Of course he could have, but that didn't make sense. Lee just wanted to go back to _Galactica._ He hadn't said that to put her off—she knew when he was trying to play her, he had a terrible bluffing face—too damned honest. She didn't understand.

A man came around the corner, and she almost jumped down his throat. “You. Have you seen anyone around here? A man, hopefully? Blue eyes, dark hair, military fatigues?”

“Sorry, lady. If your date ditched you—”

“He's not my date, and he didn't ditch me. Frak,” Kara muttered. She turned around and ran back to the bar. She didn't think that Lee would be there, but she needed to check before she took her next step. Damn it. She needed this ship locked down until he was found, and she did not want to call the commander right now.

She didn't have any choice. They had to find Lee.

And that had better not be his blood.

* * *

“What the hell happened?”

Kara shook her head, forcing herself to face Adama head on. “I have no frakking clue. Lee and I were fine, having a bit of fun—well, more me than him—in the bar, and he went to the head. While he was gone, a man came up to me, introduced himself as former fleet, and we started swapping stories. When Lee came back, I introduced them, and Lee did that... spacing out thing. He excused himself, I went after him, he said he wanted to go back to _Galactica,_ so I left him to make arrangements. When I got back, he was gone, and that blood was on the wall.”

Adama's expression darkened. “So you ordered the ship locked down and did a search.”

“Yes, as I told you I would when I called _Galactica._ They didn't find him. I don't know how the hell that's possible. Lee has to be here somewhere. I wasn't gone that long. I swear I wasn't.”

Adama nodded. “I believe you. I know you've barely left his side lately. There is a part of me that wants to say that Lee must have done this as a bit of rebellion, wanting more space than we gave him. I don't think that's true, though.”

“We only want that because it's the best option. The other ones scare the frak out of us,” Kara said. “Lee has been... off. He's not himself, and I don't know what the frak is going on with him. He won't tell me. He said it wasn't real once, but that's about all I know.”

Adama studied her. “You said this man you met was former fleet?”

She nodded. “I never met him before. He said he was let go when he went blind in one eye and lost a part of his leg. Called himself Colonel Horace Marens.”

Adama shook his head. “Name's not familiar to me, either.”

“But he went by Silenus.”

“Silenus?”

“God of the satyrs,” Kara said, and Adama grimaced. “I didn't recognize the name, either, but Lee thought he might have. He said he thought Silenus dated his mother, but from what I could tell, Silenus didn't recognize Lee.”

“You seen him since Lee disappeared?”

She shook her head. “No, sir.”

“Put out the word. I want him found.”

“Aye, sir.”

* * *

_Lee ran all the way down the stairs, going to the front door. He pulled on the knob and it stuck, not moving. He stared at it in confusion. His mother never locked the doors. Zak didn't, either, though he was at camp, so it didn't matter. Lee didn't think they would have been locked. That didn't make sense._

_“Where's the fire?” Silenus asked, coming up behind him. Lee hit the door in a panic, trying to get the lock undone behind his back. “Easy, now. There's no need for this. I told you. I'm here to be your friend.”_

_“I told you I wanted you to leave,” Lee said, but Silenus grabbed him, pulling him away from the door. “Let's go back to your room.”_

_“Let go of me,” Lee said, squirming in the man's hold. “Let go of me! Mom—”_

_Silenus just laughed, moving a hand over Lee's mouth as he kept screaming, carrying him up the stairs even as he fought to get free, tears running down his face._

Lee groaned and turned over only to stop when his side flared up in pain. He leaned back and let out a breath. He looked up at the ceiling and then tried to get a glimpse of the room, knowing he wasn't in the corridor any longer. This wasn't _Cloud Nine._ It wasn't _Galactica._

He sat up, giving his side time to adjust to the new position. He lifted his shirt and frowned at the bandage over the wound. He wouldn't have thought Silenus would go to the trouble of patching him up. Unless... had he imagined all of that? No, not if he wasn't on _Galactica._ Or _Colonial One._ He wasn't somewhere where he could have just zoned out into memories and gotten treatment for hurting himself. 

He hadn't shot himself. He had thought about it some, but he wouldn't have missed if he was going to do it, and he would have aimed for his head, not his gut.

Oh, frak. Silenus wanted him alive.

_“You see, Leland, friends do things for each other, and now that we are friends, I am going to do something for you while you do something for me, understand?”_

_Lee shook his head. “The only thing I want you to do is let me go.”_

_“Oh, no,” Silenus said, pushing up Lee's shirt. “We have a lot of other things to do first. This is going to be good, trust me. Gods, your eyes. They are incredible. I can't believe them. Even when you glare, they're beautiful.”_

_Lee shoved at the man's hands, trying to get him off. “Please stop. This isn't right.”_

_“Shh,” Silenus said, covering his mouth, and Lee screamed but it did no good._

Lee forced himself to his feet, leaning against the wall as he tried to make it toward the door. He wanted to say that he'd been hit worse before, but he hadn't actually been shot before, not like this. He had to get out of here.

The hatch opened, and Silenus stepped inside. “Lords, you are stubborn, aren't you?”

Lee glared at him. “You should have killed me when you had the chance.”

“Why would I do that?” Silenus countered. “I knew I was frakked as soon as your father took command, but then... I wasn't sure he knew. If he had, he would have found me before now—unless he just doesn't care about you which doesn't seem to be the case. Still, I held onto a bit of hope—I heard on the wireless that Apollo was alive. I have to say, I agree with their choice in your call sign. Appropriate. You always did have the body of a god.”

“Frak you,” Lee spat, sickened. He still didn't have all the pieces, but he'd been a kid. That was so frakking wrong. He didn't want to believe it, but he was actually relieved to be confronting this bastard now. At least he'd been wrong—those memories weren't about his father. His father was a good man.

Silenus wasn't.

“Actually, that is on the agenda,” Silenus said, smiling. “Or didn't you realize that was where this speech was going? You're not still that naïve, are you, Leland? Thinking someone will stop just because you say please? Or that your mother cared enough to drag herself up to stop me? You know she probably picked up another bottle and started drinking to drown out your calls for help. Because she was awake when I got done, I know that.”

Lee gagged, backing away from him. “You're lying. She didn't... She wouldn't have...”

“You don't really believe that, do you?”

* * *

“He got Lee off the ship somehow. I don't understand it, but he did,” Kara said, leaning over the table and shaking her head. They'd searched _Cloud Nine_ twice, and a third sweep was underway, but they weren't going to find anything. Lee was gone. “How is that possible?”

Adama studied the diagram of the ship again, though she wasn't sure he was even looking at it. “This man you described has no connections to _Galactica._ None that are official. So he wasn't using a fleet transport. He must have access to one of the civilian shuttles.”

“That could narrow it down,” Kara said. “Not every ship carries its own shuttles, and those that do have to have logs.”

Adama nodded. “We need a list of the ships with their own shuttles.”

“Sir?” Gaeta asked, coming up to them. “I'm afraid when we wiped the mainframe, we lost a lot of data. I don't have any files on Colonel Marens. No known ties. Nothing. I've been looking for passenger manifests, but so far he hasn't been on any of them.”

“He could have given me a fake name,” Kara said, feeling sick. “We need to get his picture out there. And gods, is it really that hard for people to recognize Lee? I thought he got a whole frakking fan club after that frakking documentary.”

“Perhaps they weren't looking at his face,” Adama said, and Kara looked at him in shock. Sure, everyone knew about the towel thing, but to have his _father_ say it, that was just weird.

“We have gotten word to all the ships,” Gaeta said. “They know to look for Captain Adama and that he may be injured, so they are supposed to report anyone who needs medical care as well.”

“That could come back to bite us in the ass.”

“Yes, sir, but it seemed better to ask, since there was blood found at the scene.”

Kara rubbed her hand over her face. “Why would anyone take Lee? I mean—Zarek did, once, but he immediately used Lee as leverage, trying to make you negotiate. Anyone else taking him has got to know that you're going to come down hard on their ass, so why would they believe they could get away with doing it?”

“Because they already were,” Gaeta said, and Kara and Adama looked at him sharply. He winced. “What I mean is—obviously they didn't take Apollo before, but they must have—they've already done something against the rules or the law and gotten away with it. Probably more than once.”

“Some of the ships are more isolated,” Kara began, not liking where her brain was going with this. “They might think they can do whatever they want.”

“There are... rumors,” Gaeta said. “Of a black market in the fleet.”

“If it existed, they'd need a way to transport their goods,” Kara said. “Do we know anyone who has contacts there?”

“I can find out.”

“Do it,” Adama ordered. “I want my son found.”

* * *

Shaking, Lee tried to calm himself enough to make some sort of plan. He had to get out of this room, and he was already at a disadvantage because he was hurt and there was one way in and out of here. That sounded like a reason to give in, but he wouldn't do that. He'd rather die. So he had to get out of here, or get himself killed.

Silenus wasn't likely to let him do either of those things.

“She gave me plenty of access to you,” the other man went on, gloating and making Lee's stomach twist. He didn't want to hear this. Silenus was lying. He had to be, but there was a part of Lee that could see it. He didn't _want_ to, but his mother spent most of those days drunk, so it wasn't impossible, not in that sense. “I could have had Zak, too, if he wasn't at camp.”

“No. It was—you might have gotten to me once, but that's it,” Lee said, though he knew he wasn't sure about that. He did have two separate fragments, but if this man had been in his house several times, he wouldn't have forgotten it and been able to confuse him with his father. One night, one very traumatic night, that he could have blocked out, but not multiple times.

“You're still deliciously naïve,” Silenus said, stepping toward him. “The right mixture of defiance and innocence.”

“You are not touching me again,” Lee said, moving to evade him and put himself closer to the hatch. He needed to get out of here.

“Still naïve,” Silenus said. “Granted, I prefer you awake and fighting, but what makes you think I haven't already helped myself?”

Gagging, Lee almost collapsed against the wall. He didn't know how he managed not to vomit, or how he stayed almost on his feet. He didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry, and there was a part of him trying to fight against that panic and confusion with logic to say that Silenus was lying and Lee would _know_ if that had happened. He'd feel it now. All he felt was the wound in his side throbbing, and he was going to puke, but he wasn't—that hadn't—it was all lies.

Silenus leaned over him, pressing a kiss to his neck before moving his lips to Lee's ear. “Denial always has looked good on you.”

Lee tried to come up with some kind of response, but he didn't have words. This was not happening. He couldn't let it happen. He needed a weapon or—gods, was he really considering using his own wound to—weapon first. He had to find a weapon.

The hatch opened, and Lee jerked. Silenus just laughed, amused.

Another man entered the room, shutting the hatch behind him. He looked Lee over in that seem leering manner, and Lee would have backed away if Silenus wasn't still behind him. Gods, a few weeks ago, he'd just have told the guy off, said he wasn't his type, and maybe thrown a punch if it got that far. Now he was wanting to run and hide and feeling like a child all over again.

“They're looking for him,” the new one said. “Whole fleet's been notified.”

“I knew that would happen,” Silenus agreed, putting a hand on Lee's hip and making him want to puke all over again. “As soon as he recognized me, I knew it was over.”

“Doesn't have to be.”

Lee wasn't sure he was relieved—he'd figured they were talking killing him—because living still meant living with what Silenus had done and was about to do again.

“Explain.”

“Seems word got out on the market, too. One would have thought he'd be too hot to handle, the kind of thing no one would touch given who his father was, but there's more than one person interested in taking him off our hands. They're willing to pay, too. Quite nicely.”

“That could be a trick. Could be Adama trying to get his son back.”

“Maybe, but it's still possible others want him. For your reasons or their own.”

Lee couldn't breathe. He knew better than this kind of panic, but he couldn't stop it. They were talking about selling him. Even if someone just wanted leverage against his father, he was looking at torture and slavery, and he couldn't think of a way out of this.

“I'll consider it. I'm not done with him yet.”

“Neither am I.”

* * *

“From what we've learned, the black market operates out of the _Prometheus,”_ Kara said, talking this thing through as she did. “They tried the polite way, trying to get the captain to agree to allowing a search of the ship, but it was refused. The CAP has the ship isolated now, and no one is getting on or off it without our say so, but if we board her...”

“We risk another Gideon or them executing Lee,” Adama said, shaking his head. “Still, I see no other option. They won't negotiate. They refuse to allow a search.”

“We could be wrong.”

“We're not wrong.”

She didn't want to be the reasonable one. Frak that, she wanted go to after Lee right now. “It makes sense that the black market has access to the kind of transport they'd need to move Lee around the fleet without people noticing. It makes sense that a former colonel could be involved in it as security or even something else, but we don't know. We don't have any proof.”

Adama shook his head. “I'm past the point where I care about proof. They don't take my son and get away with it.”

“I'm with you, sir. Let's get him back.”

* * *

Lee stared at the man across the room, still trying to understand.

He had already thrown up his entire stomach, or he would have done that again just looking at the other man, but now he was in a dull state of numbness and confusion, unable to think. He needed to clear his head but all he saw was blood. All he felt was pain.

He tried to make himself move, but that wasn't happening. He didn't know if it was the gunshot or something else. His side throbbed, and when he looked down at it, he saw the blood again. The wound wasn't right. That handgun should have left a smaller hole, rounder one, not this. That was misshapen, twisted, like someone had dug into—Oh. He'd done that.

He looked back at the man again. How had he managed to injure himself? He knew two of them had been there. They should have stopped him.

How did—he didn't—couldn't remember.

At least that other memory thing made sense now, why he only had fragments.

The hatch opened, and Lee jerked, hitting the wall. He let out a curse and then jumped when his hand hit something else. A man. A dead one.

“Lee?”

He looked over at the door, swallowing. “Dad, I think I killed someone.”

* * *

Bill looked at the doctor. “Well?”

“He was shot. Someone did a bit of a patch fix on it, but he made a mess of it later,” Cottle answered, taking a drag on his cigarette as he spoke. “I've cleaned out the wound, given him antibiotics since it's almost certain to get infected. He had a few other bruises and scrapes. Nothing major.”

Bill frowned. “No head injuries?”

“No obvious ones. No bumps or swelling.”

Bill grimaced. “You said he could get an infection, not that he had one.”

“Spit it out already. What is it you're worried about?”

“When we found Lee, he was disoriented, couldn't focus, and while he knew that he'd killed the men in the room with him, he couldn't tell me how. He just looked at me. I've never seen him like that. There should be some other wound or complication that explains that.”

“I'll do a few more tests, but that doesn't mean I'll find anything. Trauma is trauma. Your son was shot and somehow overcame two men to free himself. That could be reason enough,” Cottle said. “And if it isn't, there's always whatever set him off before he got shot. Or am I supposed to pretend I don't know about the rumors and his recent dereliction of duty?”

Bill grimaced. “It's not like that.”

“I'm not saying it is. Just that you may be hunting for a cause that isn't there because it's not physical. Now I'm going to run my tests, and you're going to get out of my sick bay.”

* * *

“Lee?”

He swallowed, looking over at Kara. “Hey.”

“Well, don't sound so glad to see me,” she teased, but when Lee's eyes dropped, she regretted her joke. He really didn't want her here. She didn't know how to react to that, but she didn't want to accept it. She couldn't just go when he was shot and looking so lost, could she? Not that Kara knew how to help anyone, but damn it, she couldn't leave him. “So you're not. You blame me?”

His head jerked back up. “What?”

“For leaving you alone when I went to arrange the transport.”

“What? No. Kara, I don't—you couldn't have known. I didn't know,” Lee said, looking down at his hands. “I didn't... I'd only just remembered who Silenus was, and when he came up to me, I didn't think—I never saw the gun. I didn't... it was my fault.”

“What did he do to you?” Kara demanded and when Lee started to protest, she shook her head. “No, because even friendly fire doesn't make you responsible for getting shot. You didn't pull the trigger. You may have been off your game, but the whole point was to get you back in the game, so you can't blame yourself for that, either. So what the frak is going on with you? What did he do?”

Lee hesitated and then said, “They... they were going to sell me.”

“What?”

“On the black market. They said they didn't care why the people wanted me—leverage, revenge, sex—they just figured they'd get plenty for me in spite of who my father is.”

“Oh, gods, Lee.”

He wrapped his arms around himself. “I don't really want to think about it. I want to get out of here. Can you get me some clothes? And no jokes about going naked. Please.”

She wanted to make them, but considering he might have been sold for sex, that was just wrong. She couldn't do it. “You owe me.”

He gave her a slight smile. “I know.”

* * *

“You left without getting cleared by Cottle.”

Lee nodded, taking a seat on his father's couch. He doubted that the doctor would be happy, and Kara wouldn't be, either, since she'd assumed he was going back to the bunk room and he hadn't. He couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time.

“I needed... I needed to see you.”

His father frowned, sitting down next to him. “I haven't asked you about what happened.”

“I don't remember,” Lee said, rubbing his head. “It's a blank from when the second man came in to when I found myself staring at Silenus' body and trying to figure out how I killed them. I don't... I thought they'd won. I thought...”

“Lee?”

“It was _him,”_ Lee choked out. “The one I thought was you, the one that I couldn't... I saw him in the bar and I just _knew._ It was him. He'd done it. It was... I don't understand. How is it I held onto the worst parts of it then but not now? I couldn't remember Mom introducing him to me, or when he came into the room claiming he wanted to be a friend, but I could remember the part that was just a uniform and pain. And I can remember his sick words and how he said she'd _let_ him do it, that she would have _let_ him have Zak, too—”

“Lee,” his father cut in with a dangerous edge to his voice. “What the hell did he do to you?”

Lee looked at him, but once again, he couldn't say it. He lowered his head. “I want to believe it was just once, but he said it wasn't. I don't remember. And I don't remember getting free. And he said he'd already... Gods....”

“That's what you thought I did?” Bill demanded. “You thought I... forced myself on you?”

Lee shuddered. “I didn't want to believe it. I didn't. I just... all I had was the uniform, not a face, and just these pieces that—it wasn't real. It couldn't have been, but then... it seemed like it was, and there's... A part of me would still blame you. She was bad after you left us, that's when he came, and he... He... I'm going to be sick.”

He ran to the head, emptying out his empty stomach, leaning against the seat, unable to move. He knew he should. This wasn't a good place to stay, gross, even, but he wasn't going anywhere for a bit.

His father wet down a rag and came over to him, washing off his face. “I want to be angry. I can't believe you thought I was capable of doing that to you—”

“I told you. I only had a fragment and I didn't want to—”

“—but I don't even know how to feel right now. If I'd known, things would have been different. I'd have found that bastard and squeezed the life out of him with my bare hands. Not too far from what you did, so you got some justice, I think, but damn it, Lee—you should have been able to come to me with this. You should have told me.”

“When? When you abandoned us or when you had my career in the fleet all planned out for me? Do you know how hard it was to put on the uniform with that idea in my head? Or maybe I should have told you when I blamed you for Zak's death,” Lee shook his head. “I don't—I tried to bury it. I tried not to remember at all. I think I must have tried so hard to block that night out I had only the two pieces, and I mostly believed they were just nightmares. It wasn't until the worlds ended and I killed thirteen hundred people on the _Olympic Carrier_ that I knew what a real nightmare was.”

His father shook his head. “Lee, damn it, I'm not blaming you. I... I should have been someone you thought you could turn to, and I wasn't. I let you down. Even now you don't feel like you can talk to me. You told Kara that he threatened to sell you, not me.”

“I blamed you for things he did,” Lee admitted. He shivered, trying to make himself move. “I don't know... I thought I didn't know what was real before, but now I really don't. He said so many things... He made me think... I don't know what's true and what isn't.”

“This is real,” his father said. “Now we're getting you off my floor and into a bed where you are going to sleep and obey Cottle's orders because I am not losing my son again. Not to a bullet, not to his lies, and not to anything else, do you understand me?”

Lee shook his head. “No. I don't—he said—I don't think I can—”

“You can get up off that floor. I know that much. The rest of it we deal with as it comes.”


End file.
